a fine thin line...

its turning dark out there, the gloomy dark clouds had covered the happy sunshine. i am feeling low... Corrine May is singing "Long Long Journey" at the background as i type in my thoughts and journal my feelings. the tears gathering at the edge of the gland is fighting with the decision to flow or not to flow. maybe i should let it be... afterall this sign of weakness is healing in its properties. it is antimicrobal and it is a channel of release for any built up tension and emotions.

too much uncertainities marks the exists of man-kind. why did some tribes live on while those disappeared? those that live on, did they live with interigty? or was self-righteousness? whatever it was the end result is still the most important isn't it? they managed to live on! those whom left their trace and architech structures for the world to wonder... did they die in shame or did they die with pure faith that they had lived a life that is blameless and strong?

if i belong to the ancient world, will i be an Abraham? one that God calls His friend? one that is blameless and blessed? or am i one of the many man, who lived in the days of Noah, that were drown in the great storm cuz i had failed to see the circumstances of the times. God given Lot the opportunity to save Sodom and Gorrah if he is able to find at least 10 godly man. But there was none, so only Lot and his family were allow to leave before the wrath of God falls upon those cities. Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pile of salt. Lot is now long gone to be with God Almighty but she remainds on earth as that pile of salt. Emotions had such terrible effect on human isn't it? if she had not felt for the cities or anything in it, she would had never look back and transformed into a pile of salt. she would had lived on and pro-created a entire line of faithful ones.

God called every babies of His to be the salt and the light of the world. so God wants us to have emotions, feelings for the lost, for the ones that had yet to know and embrace Him. He knows the process is difficult and He so want to be with us but He is God the greatest of all, His designation just make it impossible to do it. that is why Jesus came. He came to be with us, to suffer with us, to feel with us. only He can say " I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU, CUZ I HAD BEEN THERE TOO." i am willing to be the salt Lord Jesus, cuz You had shown me how to one. make me strong Lord. let me be salty enough but strong enough to move on with focus and purpose. afterall "its a long long journey before i find my way back to You"...