growing pains

insecurity. i remember having it all through my life. constantly being compare against standards and people. read my younger sister's blog just now and felt the pain she had/ having. suddenly the pain of my growing up years seems to creep back into me. my younger sister slashed herself while i pulled my hair. but thank God for His support and Him loving me, drawing me to Him even before i know Him and love Him.

even wonder why my hair is so thin? cause i used to pull my hair! LOL... now thinking of it makes me want to laugh. had i grew mature enough to face my past, my pain with a laugh? i think so. but why does thinking of it makes me sad and want to cry? maybe cuz i think that 'me' was so pity-ful; making me want to love 'her' and comfort 'her'.

always seeking for approval, always wanting for acknowledgement and praises. that was me. traces of such traits are still in me. perhaps that is why i can still be affected by remarks others make.

i remembered calling for my 'nature parent' who was out there somewhere and sensing 'him/her' watching over me, loving me. i always know i have someone outside my family that owns me, love me and watching over me. that must be what is means in

~~Psalm 139:13-15 (New International Version)~~
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,


i must shake off the insecurity. even when other seemingly are better than me, stronger than me. even when other seems to be leaving me. even when i am emotional. MUST BE OBJECTIVE! MUST BE LEAD BY THE PROMISE OF GOD!