the 1st step is to forgive

its a little tough to blog this entry. i don't know how i ought to phase my thoughts in words...

the 1st step to forgiveness is to forgive yourself. that is my theory. have you ever had such an experience as mine? its like having done 1 silly mistake and that mistake just keep replaying in your brain. the more it replays, the more you blame yourself for that stupid mistake. being too prideful you refuse to talk about it and being too upset with yourself, you view all attempts to console or comfort from others as pity. i am a very competitive person, so when others try to come too close for comfort i can get a little bitchy or clamp up. its a defensive machanism. so what am i getting to?

i think i lost my train of thoughts but generally i think i am having problem forgiving myself for a recent flop in my class-project, i am blaming myself for my emotional outbrust and my lack of control. i am blaming myself for being undisciplined and blah blah blah...

"...guard your heart..." this is what kept ringing in my brain, ear, heart after the house-blessing today. i think i had allowed too many things to come in and thus resulting in loosing focus and becoming lost. maybe nobody can understand today's entry but its fine. it's just me and myself..ventilating my thoughts and feelings... afterall this is the reason for this blog...not for viewership, no for others to praise me or make me popular... its just for me and you to understand me more... =)